For the majority of my life I internalized anger. This means that the energy of anger was suppressed inwardly. (I can see how my immune system got activated to self destruct myself)
In our dysfunctional society- children being angry is not acceptable. Women being angry is not acceptable. As a person of color being angry is not acceptable
So I learned to code switch to not make people around me uncomfortable. Not get in trouble, not loose opportunities.
I began my meditation and embodiment practices to try and find how to channel this overwhelming feeling. I began therapy to have an outlet. I now am able to say NO, NO THANK YOU, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID NO and Not feel an iota of guilt or discomfort.
Now when I feel anger I do express it outloud (context of being in Seminary and experiencing lots of BS politics) I laugh inwardly when I observe how people's reactions are in wanting me to be quiet but guess what I will express myself and when people can have a direct conversation about great then we can have dialogue otherwise my empath self won't care how many times you roll your eyes or gaslight me.
I understand that MS also makes an angrier human.
I have learned to transcend hangry because of the amounts of fasting I need to do get my system to decrease inflammation.
Companies, Organizations, Universities, Seminaries should require all employees to receive disabilities training alongside empathy training on how to speak and work with people with varying abilities and illnesses.
I had an Advisor (also a Military Chaplain) that would actually dismiss/patronize anything I would say to them, try to justify what my complaints were about which was essentially gaslighting. (I can see that in a military setting treating people with tough love though not my style could be quasi passable)
Looking back I wish I had a recording device each time I was put through this ordeal because this treatment was a major no no professionally speaking.
However, the point is we don't know what people are feeling inside and when we dismiss their experience and their pain because of your own discomfort then you really are not being part of the solution.
I really hope this will inform people to be a lot kinder to others.
Learning to feel my feelings has helped me in being able to be with others in their feelings.
making friends with your prickly anger is the first step towards coping